With the greatest of ease....

Alright friends, the time has come. Grab your wears, your tears, your food and your hair, it's time for us to start a traveling circus. That's right, you read correctly (hearing need not apply to this statement). I feel we all need a nice and steady change of pace; what better way than to form a brigade of contortionists and flame-eaters?

We will do this the old fashioned way too. Instead of motor vehicles and buses, we will load up large, horse and oxen powered caravans, adorned in bright colors, shiny objects and clanking things. Maybe I'm thinking of a movie version of gypsies...either way. The main carriage of supplies will be a large red wagon with gold trimming and hand-etched wooden planks where the door and foot stools are. It will obviously house our largest tent and compact stadium seating, vanity mirorrs (for the bearded woman) and some of our finest vertically challenged patrons...

A proceeding train of exotic animals will follow. We will have creatures big and small, ugly and cute (i.e. a swamp rat, 16 year old-earless domestic house cat, two monkey cardboard cut outs and a giraffe stuffed animal). The elephants will HAVE to be real, so everyone start saving all your money, rob a liquor store, steal lunch currency from underprivileged, nerdy children and your sons (or daughters) piggy bank. They won't mind. It's a small price to pay for a fun filled night of mediocrity and humiliation. Besides, we're hitting the road right? There's no way they can ever catch a constantly slow moving, but occasionally stopping to put on a show, caravan of thieving acrobats and sitar players, pulled by  emaciated horse and oxen. (please don't name the animals. you will just be sad when they die).

For the next phase we will need a ring leader. This has to be someone who is confident, a showman, have a booming personality and (speaking of booming) be able to shoot down any of the "bad seeds" planted in our audience. Ah yes. There is no better way to get the full support of our cascading audience then to adopt the "shoot to kill" theory of entertainment.

We will put on our show sometime between noon and one. The reasoning for such a long and open schedule is to allow all our citizens of the traveling awesome, time to sleep off hangovers and allow for us to travel. When our guests ask how much the ticket costs just merely scoff and say, "You don't even know..."

All-in-all I think we have this. Are you ready? What role do you want to take in this misadventure of good times and ill humor? I'll bring the cups--that's my role.