Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Yous a ghoul.

I begin today by saying that we need to discover a means of perpetual fuel--explanation soon.

I'm not so certain on the hows or whats of this brilliant revelation, I just know that it needs to happen. It would obviously need to be something that is constantly renewing itself, is ecologically sound and potent enough to power large mobile objects. Perhaps we can use something like the sun (that is right, folks. You heard it hear first.. I will call it "Solar Power") or Dark (negative) matter. The use of dark matter would be difficult to harness, but it would settle the qualms and concerns of many scientists due to the resulting effect: the slowing expansion of the universe. We would be saviors to the universe--preventing whole galaxies from eventually colliding in 7,898 million light years..........or god. That dude's omnipotent, right? SOLVED! We will use gods power AND we get a new catchy slogan to our constantly renewing fuel source. We will say "Powered by God," and all those protesting religious zealots can go play hide and go f*ck themselves for trying to greedily keep this obviously true and certain power source to themselves. :p

This really needs to happen for many reasons. I wont bother you with the tree-hugger in me and just stick with the selfish part that wants a cruise-liner sized airship that sails across the sky and never has to land. I will love my flying fortress as it slowly paces itself in the earths atmosphere. It will tower to a peak at the center, resembling the mayan ruins, with several different houses and rooms built, surrounding. On the west end of my hovering homeland, there will be a hangar that houses my car-planes. Like the Jetsons, these will be little glass-domed vehicles that jet through the skies to other, lesser sized, mobile homes (coined that phrasee, too).

With God-fuel or Gouel (pronounced Ghoul) there will be no reason to venture to the surface anymore. I will have everything agriculturally and otherwise needed, to sustain my airborne lifestyle. I will not even have to worry about the meek things such as weather or climate shift. With the new fuel and no need to spend money researching pointless economical efficiency, we can focus our time and money creating a sonic transmission unit (STU) to force all the unwanted rain and coldness away. There's absolutely no flaw in this idea, nor will it take any toll our the worlds life-force.

There is a requirement if you wish to live in your own ship, however. You must bring with you, one endangered specie. It can be anything as long as you can keep it alive for more than 8 years--breeding it with like species if you can. This is simply so that you have a go-to encase you find yourself food-less or just need that extra warm pair of slippers during the winter time; and if you don't need any of that, then well look--you helped.

I don't think I am crazy for wanting this. I also don't think its an impossibility. If you want to doubt my irrefutable logic, well then I say you this: C'mon!

This was a stupid thought for the day...There actually might be another one. Until then, just go Gouel up :p

Friday, January 7, 2011

With the greatest of ease....

Alright friends, the time has come. Grab your wears, your tears, your food and your hair, it's time for us to start a traveling circus. That's right, you read correctly (hearing need not apply to this statement). I feel we all need a nice and steady change of pace; what better way than to form a brigade of contortionists and flame-eaters?

We will do this the old fashioned way too. Instead of motor vehicles and buses, we will load up large, horse and oxen powered caravans, adorned in bright colors, shiny objects and clanking things. Maybe I'm thinking of a movie version of gypsies...either way. The main carriage of supplies will be a large red wagon with gold trimming and hand-etched wooden planks where the door and foot stools are. It will obviously house our largest tent and compact stadium seating, vanity mirorrs (for the bearded woman) and some of our finest vertically challenged patrons...

A proceeding train of exotic animals will follow. We will have creatures big and small, ugly and cute (i.e. a swamp rat, 16 year old-earless domestic house cat, two monkey cardboard cut outs and a giraffe stuffed animal). The elephants will HAVE to be real, so everyone start saving all your money, rob a liquor store, steal lunch currency from underprivileged, nerdy children and your sons (or daughters) piggy bank. They won't mind. It's a small price to pay for a fun filled night of mediocrity and humiliation. Besides, we're hitting the road right? There's no way they can ever catch a constantly slow moving, but occasionally stopping to put on a show, caravan of thieving acrobats and sitar players, pulled by  emaciated horse and oxen. (please don't name the animals. you will just be sad when they die).

For the next phase we will need a ring leader. This has to be someone who is confident, a showman, have a booming personality and (speaking of booming) be able to shoot down any of the "bad seeds" planted in our audience. Ah yes. There is no better way to get the full support of our cascading audience then to adopt the "shoot to kill" theory of entertainment.

We will put on our show sometime between noon and one. The reasoning for such a long and open schedule is to allow all our citizens of the traveling awesome, time to sleep off hangovers and allow for us to travel. When our guests ask how much the ticket costs just merely scoff and say, "You don't even know..."

All-in-all I think we have this. Are you ready? What role do you want to take in this misadventure of good times and ill humor? I'll bring the cups--that's my role.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A billion plus Infinity...

Sooo. Parallel universes....yeahhh.

Rather, I would like to call them parallel existences; a parallel universe is exponentially more broad than I care to touch upon. (though that is essentially what this rant is about)

If they exist, there has to be AT LEAST an infinite number of them. Each one would be a different path or choice that you didn't make in the current existence you are living. From those parallel existences, there stems out another infinite number of parallel universes (that's a lot. good thing I have an infinite number of fingers to count) of the choices that the not-yous didn't make either...And these simultaneously spawned existences of choices you didn't make would apply to every thing that exists and has the potential to be altered by variable situations. That is a mind bending thought.

There is probably even a parallel existence (or million) that doesn't even include me as a factor. Perhaps back in the grand ol' day of my parents and their youth, they decided that pot was much more economically sustainable than two additional children and thus, so long Zack (or rather, never hello).

I suppose that the idea past theorizing intelligence gave about time travel and the concept that, altering the past slightly could dramatically influence the present, could be applied to our parallel being. This is such an awesome concept! By doing or not doing something I've influenced another me--a not-me of different existence and just like that a domino effect.

Screw time-travel. Lets find away for me to interact with my parallel selves. We can flail about with a giant net, like catching a swarm of butterflies, and gather up everyone I am and put us in our own universe where we all interact together......I probably wouldn't even like my other selves, but I suppose there would be enough of myself to keep me entertained.

Somewhere out there is a female Zack. Zoe? and who is the original Zack? Clearly my ego-centric mind feels that I am the original, but what if I'm existence number 294811987 of ? To that I say
Potentially, the ability to jump parallel existences does happen on another plane, but would I even recognize myself? Would I look completely different than what I am now? What if I dated a parallel me or played with myself in the park when I was a kid (wait a minute...). In conclusion, me and myself will take over all universes and make you bow before us (me). End.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My digital life

I think 90% of my day is spent online or technically 'er bound as if the computer were an extension of my physical self. There is the part of me that wonders how this happened and the bigger part of me that knows. Other than driving my car and sleeping, I would have to say that I'm almost consistently in front of a computer, television, iPad or some other portable means to divert my attention...I wonder what it's doing to my brain...

I do love me some internet though. Nothing is better than that f*cking "Stumble Upon" program or playing to entertain my ever dwindling attention toward work and personal art. I often think, "what would digital me would look like?"

Lets say that artificial intellegence did get to a superior point in our existence and it decided not to obliterate humanity in a technological apocalypse, and instead they decide to give mankind the gift of immortality by finding a way to download our conscious, sub-conscious and/or collective unconscious into a pool of data, streaming for eternity throughout the electro-magnectic airwaves, or something or other (my longest run-on sentence ever)...Neat thought, saw it on some NOVA show in class when I was 6.

Alright. This just happened. Our 83 y.o. minds are officially uploaded (Yep. We're old. Sorry dead old friends)...Do we see each other? Are we literally just swirling in this pool (I hope not. Dark water is too much as it is). Perhaps our sub-conscious selves now show their true identities--what would you look like? More importantly, if this were possible/did happen, would this affirm the existence of souls? Is that a whole other discussion? Sorry. Blew your mind for a second.

Personally, I think I would look amorphic, but resemble something of a human for that is all I knew from birth what to look like. No one ever told me, "You don't have to be human." --Maybe they did...I don't remember. Once more, I think I would be bright orange and swirly spiky. Looking at me will be like an acid trip. I would tell you to prepare for a journey of color and explosions. I WOULD tell you, but chances are that I don't have an actual voice.

Truthfully, I would love to be uploaded into some type of cyborg unit.
"Take me mechanical humanoid! Make me shiny with the ability to successfully perform the robot!"

And we would be able to customize our new bodies, adorning them with trinkets, tubes, weapons, not weapons--what have you. Lets face it, you can take the mind out of the body, but you can't take the mind out fashion forward thinking.
I would have some device that glowed a radioactive orange and green, pulsating in my chest like an exposed heart. My eyes would glow an icy red to suggest to other cyborg onlookers that I was extremely pissed off when really I just had an unscratch-able itch. A tattoo for a cyborg would be more like the graffiti we see on subway trains and tall buildings. OF COURSE I would have a graffitoo (thats right! I named it). It would be the wall image that the boy made a mural of on Sister Act 2. Ode to you, Whoopi! My voice would be deep, brooding and extremely charming (oh wait. have that now *slaps knee*).

So I got all this from sitting at my computer. Funny, I feel like a cyborg now. Being constantly at my computer screen, looking into an artificial representation of a real world makes me feel like I kind of already exist in the world I've created. Hm.... *busts out into the robot*